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 Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?

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smac1975
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PostSubject: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 11th 2011, 5:20 pm

Hello dear CSttyles women,

I have this question posted in topic that I would appreciate your comments please.

Of course my question generalizes women's behaviour but no matter where you come from or where and how you grow up, the relations between human beings and how we deal with other human beings are written in our genetic code.

I need to clarify this particular situation that makes me ask this particulary general question.

I met this woman some time ago with which I had developed a good human to human relation. We could sense a lot of afinity in our causes and we shared curiosity about eachothers lives.

My curiosity started to grow bigger and bigger and I decided to make a naif move on writting her something that turned out to be a love a letter. (As a side note: I don't want to sound pretentious but I'm good at writing on my mother tongue, specialy letters adressed to whoever)

I crafted words in such a beautiful form that I was almost sure I would touch her soul. And I sent the letter.

I did touch her soul for sure because now she ran away and disappeared! I scared her with a bucket of roses in the form of words!

Why?! What did I do wrong? Where was I wrong?
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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 11th 2011, 6:00 pm

I don't think you did anything wrong and in my opinion I don't think it would have caused the same reaction in all women. Some ladies would have loved that and found it utterly romantic and sweet while others may have found it too much too soon. It all hangs on what a girl sees as romantic and what she see's as pushy....

Another example is how my sister needs to be with her husband every minute of the day and can't stand being without him whereas if my boyfriend was here all the time I'd find it suffocating and way too much! It must be hard for a guy trying to get it right when generally as women we must be quite confusing creatures.

I think you have to try and gauge what she would like, it sounds as though maybe she thought you were moving a little too fast and she was scared, obviously I don't know the girl so I'm only guessing at that.
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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 11th 2011, 6:14 pm

I agree with Q ! I've been thinking hard about the question and I think I've couldn't have said it better.
You've got to find the right balance between 'taking charge' and 'doing nothing'. I know it's hard and for every woman this 'balance' is different and also probably depending on the way it's 'presented'.

A friend of mine had a similar situation and wrote a poem on Valentines Day. He was refused by her after she read the poem. But after a while, she got curious and wanted to know why, why her and was it from the heart and so on. At present, their going steady !! face hug

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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 11th 2011, 7:21 pm

Yep it is a difficult one but I think finding out where the bounderies lie by maybe testing the water with a smaller gesture is probably the way to go. Some girls have been treated badly by guys and are mistrustful and yep not every guy is out to break your heart but it's hard to rebuild your faith in relationships after it's been shattered.

It took me three years before I started dating after leaving an abusive relationship and it was so hard to trust men even though I knew not everyone was out to hurt or humiliate me. Finding that line that a girl is comfortable with is the best thing to do....to some girls gifts are expected, to some they don't want material things to prove love and others don't want them at all...

What it all boils down to is communication first before declaring full blown love...and maybe you can ask the lady in question what is was that made her change her mind...not so you can tell her she's wrong but so you know what made her rethink about the relationship. I hope some of this helps but don't worry too much about it...out there is a lady just perfect for you who won't turn away from your love letters and will cherish each and every one of them x
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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 11th 2011, 7:29 pm

Your words are pearls to me. What marvelous advice you just gave to me.

I recognize I moved too fast, the letter was really intense although I didn't use the sentence "I love you" or words like "love", "passion"... but metaphors that meant exactly the same...

I will wait and see what happens.
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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 11th 2011, 7:36 pm

Well I hope it all turns out great for you Sergio as you do deserve it and I'm glad Eva and myself helped give a little insight into the question
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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 11th 2011, 9:59 pm

Sergio one thing I can tell you is we women are very complicated, intense, serious, emotional and at times hysterical beings. With that being said...all in all it means, we experience 'feelings' different from guys. From something as simple as a first kiss...the woman is already seeing a future with this man whereas the man is wondering if the kiss is possibly going to lead to 'other' events.

We 'hear' more in the conversation than men do in general and that's why we tend to over analyze the heck out of life in general.

2 women can get into an argument and that's it...friendship over...2 dudes...might not speak for a day or week but can promise you that if it's anything less than sleeping with the others lady...they can easily work it out and mend fences.

Women harbor a LOT of baggage because of our sensititivy and my guess...and that is all it is, is that she has probably had her heart broken badly in the past.

Maybe she enjoyed the pace in which things were flowing prior to the love letter.

I do think she owes you an explanation, but whether you want to hear what the explanation is is entirely up to you.

Give her some time, don't blow her phone up with constant calls, don't bombard her email...a simple email or text or message asking simply...'what did I say to make you leave'...should suffice.

If you don't hear back from her...then maybe later down the road, a couple of weeks...email, text, leave her a message and tell her how you feel that she has handled this. Don't curse her out...but remind her that you have feelings also and she has hurt you deeply. Let her know that you thought her to be a much better person than she has displayed and lastly let her know that you will never try to contact her again.

Sometimes when we women get that 'final' word we panic and we start to wonder and ask ourselves did we make the right decision. After that give it some time...if she reaches out to you...take it from there. If she doesn't...let your heart mend before moving forward.

Best to you Sergio.... :heart:

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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 11th 2011, 10:23 pm

Oh my gawd CeCe! You reinforced my idea of how adorable creatures women are! In fact you are god's masterpiece.

I'll give it time which is something I have :)

Thank you so much for the wonderful reply.
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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 11th 2011, 10:30 pm

I'm so glad I could help you in any way Sergio. Heartbreak is horrible and unspoken heartbreak is almost unforgivable. I said...'almost'...

You are a doll! Keep us posted please, I'd love to see if/how this works out for ya!

If you need to talk don't hesitate to reply here or pm.

Hugz to you!

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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 14th 2011, 8:16 pm

CeCe said she was OCD with her sims, well I'm OCD about music :D

No matter which colour my mood is I listen to the same song for hours! And then I move to another...

Now I'm blue so I went to listen to Billie Holiday singing. Here it is:




My iTunes counts 29 repeats in a row! Nice!
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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 15th 2011, 12:46 am

OMG Sergio I do the exact same thing as far as listening to the same song over and over and over and over...well you get the picture!!...I just thought that was me and my daughter!! She has her OCD issues as well! Suspect

Only difference is I CAN'T listen to blue music if I am blue...if I do I will cry until snot is running down my face and I have those crying hiccups! Sad... So...usually I play my fav song...a happy fav song and I will play it over and over until I can move on!

My pick me up song is Iko Iko!!

Billie Holiday...no words needed!! hiho :800:

Sending tons of internet hugs to you!! Stay strong!! :heart:

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PostSubject: Re: Why is a gesture of love or admiration towards women confused by women as an offense?   January 15th 2011, 7:04 am

Awww listening to sad music when I'm down is something I do a lot of...when my dad passed away all I did was listen to Avril Lavignes Slipped Away I cried so much and now I find it hard to listen to that song without thinking of him and getting all choked up when I broke up with a boyfriend it was song called Cut by Plumb and then Down by Jason Walker (that song still gives me goosebumps) or Moby's Temptation and also a song called Broken but I don't know who sings it.

If we're talking songs for giving me sheer goosebumps then it's Frank Sinatra's Moon River now that was music and one guy who knew how to sing
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